its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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