I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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