Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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