Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
