Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.