All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me