The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.