i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.