It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are