Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
