I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
