Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What a dumb baby whore.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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