I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
