I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
