you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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