There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
