Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
