some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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