So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
