I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
