Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
