the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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