He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
