9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
