there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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