So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
