why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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