the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
