if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
