We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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