goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
