U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
