why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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