I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
