i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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