I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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