Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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