I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He did a backflip because drugs
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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