she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
