is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
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