Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
FUCK WHALES
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
