Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
