Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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