Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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