pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
