i barfeds in our rink
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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