I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
