idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
