are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
