I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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