I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
