She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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