My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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