hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
