that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
