You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
