Sry I called you an 8
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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