Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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