he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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