You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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