My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
