I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
