Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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