It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
where does the pee come out of this thing
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My feet surprised me
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