Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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