somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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