i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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