Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry rootfd hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(253): View more from Washington

I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door

Fav 12 1266 2617
share tweet
(909): View more from California

if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids

Fav 18 1944 4272
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(603): View more from New Hampshire

You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"

Fav 2 3928 968
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

Why?

(609): View more from New Jersey

Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."

Fav 12 3628 906
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.

Fav 11 1128 3793
share tweet
(607): View more from New York

You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.

Fav 12 1791 782
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(314): View more from Missouri

I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.

Fav 9 1241 657
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(360): View more from Washington

can I cover your dick in cookie butter?

Fav 9 747 378
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(315): View more from New York

Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.

Fav 0 29 38
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT