i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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