Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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