there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
