I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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