I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
